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A Real Mom’s Guide To Mocktails

Attention all mamas who are currently not drinking! Are you expecting a sweet little bundle? Are you nursing and nervous your baby might be getting a little too happy at happy hour? Whatever your reason for abstaining, I’ve assembled a list of mocktails for you to enjoy during this time of sobriety!

Now, these aren’t the fancy pants, ten ingredient, craft mocktails. No way! These are Real Mom Mocktails, developed by yours truly, a Real Mom who is pregnant with Baby No. 2 and hurting for a stiff drink real bad.

These are mocktails made with ingredients you actually have in your fridge and can realistically assemble whilst asking your toddler for the tenth time to stop licking the dog’s fur.

And because I care for you, I’ve taken the liberty to pair them for an enhanced tasting experience. So please, eat, drink and be merry, and join me in toasting the miracle of motherhood!

Not So Dark and Stormy

Ginger beer and lime juice. This actual cocktail is the official drink of Bermuda and got its name because, legend has it, an old WWI sailor noted that it was the “colour of a cloud only a fool or a dead man would sail under.” Kind of like toddler meltdowns! Fun! This pairs well with the quesadilla your toddler insisted on eating but then refused with a resounding “yuck!” forcing you to choose between the impending storm clouds or just eating the quesadilla and letting her eat her body weight in Goldfish. Bottoms up!

 What’s the Poinsettia?

Cranberry juice and club soda. Usually made with Champagne, aka sweet nectar of the gods, this lovely and light cocktail is a fall and winter classic. It’s perfect for fall evenings when the air is getting crisp and you’re eager to wear leggings for literally every single outfit. Pairs well roasted turkey and pumpkin soup. Just kidding. It pairs well with the confusion of shorter days and the impending chaos that is Daylight Savings Time and bedtime.

Fisher-Price Screwdriver

Orange juice and nothing else. Once upon a time, in our wilder college days, we used to wake up at the crack of dawn, get dressed in ridiculous costumes, and head to the bars on Purdue’s campus for Breakfast Club; a college game day tradition that involved copious amounts of screwdrivers. Now, we skip the costumes and the bars, and just wake up at the crack of dawn to hang out with our rowdy toddler. It pairs well with Cheerios and multiple requests for Elmo’s World before the sun is even up.

Playground Refresher

Coconut water and lemonade and a lot of ice. If I wasn’t pregnant, this made-up cocktail would include a splash of white rum. Then I would pour it in a Yeti and sip it at the park during that post-nap, pre-dinner golden hour when I can successfully run my child ragged at the playground because Momming is all about working smarter, not harder. Instead, you can skip the rum, and it actually serves as ideal pregnancy or postpartum hydration. Pairs well with underdogs on the swing and knowing glances from other Yeti-toting Moms.

Desperado

Welch’s grape juice in a wine glass. Some days, you crave the velvety comfort of a glass of red wine and nothing else will do. Maybe you miss the old pre-pregnancy ritual of a glass of wine or maybe your kids are making you want to list them on Craigslist as ‘Free to a Good Home.’ Maybe breastfeeding or pumping is literally sucking the life out of you. When those days crop up and you’re not able to indulge, just pour yourself a big ‘ol glass of imagination. Set the scene with whatever helps you feel a little more like yourself — a good book, a hot bath, a trashy reality show — whatever floats your boat. Sip slowly and remind yourself that pregnancy and nursing and tough days are temporary, and the sweet moments far outweigh the crap ones. Repeat as necessary. This pairs well with complete and utter silence and also probably Oreos. Cheers, mamas! 

Do you have any favorite mocktails, real or completely made up? I want to hear them! I have six more months of sobriety pregnancy left, so I need all the ideas I can get!

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